If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do.

Quickie Buffy review (minus spoilers)

Read Buffy #12 last night ... feel like I need to go back and re-read Buffy #11, cause I get the distinct feeling I missed something along the way.

Random Thoughts with Boss Jefe

-You know who I think the happiest man in the world is right now? Green Bay Packers backup quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

-Really glad to have NASCAR back, and even more glad knowing my boy's actually got a shot at winning week in and week out now. Down with the evil Stepmonster!

-It just occurred to me my non-NASCAR-fan friends won't have any idea what the above statement means. And there's, sadly, no simple way to explain it other than to say that Teresa Earnhardt is a blithering idiot. And several other things that involve using much more colorful words.

-Been on this weird Seether kick lately. Not that I ever hated them, but until a few weeks ago, I could definitely take them or leave them. Oh well ... more music-y goodness for me.

-Still haven't started either new job yet. Though the radio station hired me officially, I'm still being trained (and yes, running the sound board during a national basketball game broadcast is harder than it seems and looks). Do I need the extra training? Yeah ... it's just slightly annoying that my training is unpaid and hours are probably going to be hard to come by for a while. But hey, if it was easy, would it really be that worth it?

-Hampton University told me a few weeks ago I could start March 1, only to turn around and back out on that because Human Resources is taking longer than expected with the final paperwork. It's slightly frustrating, as I'm looking forward to earning a steady paycheck once again, but I figure sooner or later it's gotta get done.

-My buddy Dave from high school comes back tomorrow! Sweetness!! :D

-In the month and half since I lost my HRVarsity gig, I've been knee-deep in high school sports coverage for the Daily Press. Between all the wrestling and basketball I covered in February, I'll be pulling in a little over 600 bucks. There are a few more stories I'm doing on the tail end of the season, which'll give me a little more money, but that might be it as far as the Daily Press is concerned; I'm told the freelance budget has been slashed big-time this year (gotta love corporate!), and they're not going to use any freelancers for the spring sports. I'm going to see if they might still have me cover Langley Speedway some Saturday nights over the summer, or if I'll be able to help with football coverage come the fall -- assuming my other jobs don't take up too much more of my time.

-Really hoping Kat and Munchie find jobs soon, regardless of where they might be.

-Memo to Kat's dad: Back the fuck off, bitch.

-Memo to the porcupotomous who "lives" with Ashley: Back the fuck off, bitch. Ashley has enough to deal with for you to be adding to it with your attempts to get her kicked out of school. She has done nothing to ruin your college life -- you do that just fine on your own -- and I'm tired of you turning her issues around and making them all about YOU. And goddamn it, quit stealing my Skittles!

-Memo to the porcupotomous who "lives" with Ashley, part two: That dolphin tattoo of yours is not sexy. It's nauseating ... as is the rest of your mashed-in face and rolly-polly body. You are NOT hot shit, even if you think you are, and every man you meet is NOT out to climb into your pants (mostly because I don't think they'd be able to find where to put it). The Michelin Man thinks you could stand to drop a few pounds.

-Memo to the porcupotomous who "lives" with Ashley, part three: BECCA HUNGRY!!!

-I'd like some more free time, please. I feel bad when I commit to hanging out with people or commit to writing something for Birthright, then wind up not being able to because something work-related gets in the way. I apologize to everyone I committed something to, only to not do what I said.

-If I haven't said it before, I'll say it again ... Juno and There Will Be Blood fucking rule. They will drink your milkshake.

Stuff

-Wrestling season's just about over for me, after the Group AAA state tournament wrapped up tonight. Which is just fine; I like wrestling, it's entertaining and the storylines are often compelling, but after three consecutive weekends of giving up Friday and Saturday for all-day tournaments, I'm ready for a break. Especially since ...

- ... I start my internship with Hampton University on Saturday, March 1. There are three basketball games to close out the season, then I get to dive into the spring sports. Summer might be kind of light, but once August rolls around, football is the name of the game. I'm pretty excited; new jobs have this way of lighting a fire under me, and I can't wait to get started.

-Once 102.1 FM finishes my background check (I DIDN'T DO IT!!), my training should turn into paid hours, which means I can run the board for basketball broadcasts for some extra part-time money. And it's sports radio, which I would love to get back into. The work so far seems pretty straightforward; they tell us which commercial breaks are local, I make sure to play commercials during said breaks, and I make sure nothing breaks and the sound levels stay good. It has the potential to get boring, but there's high-speed internet and two TVs in the room with me, so it shouldn't be too bad.

I didn't do it, I swear!

Those background checks still aren't done yet. I swear, whatever they found that I did, I didn't do it. Just hurry up and finish them so I can start working and get paid already.

Had my first training session at the radio station on Sunday; went pretty well, using the equipment and running a national college hoops broadcast seems simple enough. I'm going in three more times this week (Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday) to make sure I've got it down before they finally turn me loose and actually put me to work. But I'm that much closer to getting back into sports radio, which is HUGE for me. Major yayness.

Oh, slightly related bit of advice: Don't eat the mac-and-cheese at Applebee's. I didn't, but one of the guys at the station did, and let's just say six hours later things got really messy.

ODU BEAT VCU AT VCU!! Figures the year I can't watch, either in-person or on TV, they pull it off. Thanks a lot, Blaine. :P

NASCAR season started! W00T!! Go Junior! Tony, cut your goddamn hair! Ryan Newman ... wait, Ryan Newman was still racing? Who knew?

In other news ...

-Both Hampton University and 102.1 FM The Game are doing background checks on me. The radio station's taking it's old sweet time, too; normally, they take about a week, but with me it's been almost two. I also had to pay for the one HU's doing ... I love how I have to give them money so they can go see if I've broken any major laws.

-Wrestling wrestling wrestling ... tis the season, which means I'm a busy guy right now. Then again, I'm apparently the only one at the paper who can really cover that sort of thing, so ... and besides, all these stories I'm writing means more money in the long run.

-Memo to moviegoers: There Will Be Blood and Juno are fucking awesome.

-Memo to moviegoers, part deux: Meet the Spartans ... not so much. In fact, probably the worst movie I've ever seen.

Right

So according to Munchie, Becca told him the other night that she told me at one point that she and I were not in a relationship, that we were merely fuck buddies.

Only we never had such a conversation. In fact, I've lost count of all the times we talked of how deeply we loved each other and all the things we wanted to do together and plans we'd made and things like that. One time when she visited, she sat in the middle of the street in her car for five minutes just looking at me and telling me how much she loved me.

That sound like a fuck buddy to anyone?

Oh well ... all she's doing is proving herself right. When she unceremoniously tossed me aside (after I put out the effort to visit her, no less), she told me she wasn't good enough for me and that I deserved better. Well, with all of the shit I've heard since we split over two months ago, I'm inclined to agree. She ISN'T good enough for me, and I DO deserve better. I deserve someone who actually means it when they tell me they love me, I deserve someone who'll appreciate who I am and what I do, and who won't go all spaztastic apeshit scared when I do something so simple as give them a little happy anniversary gift.

I deserve someone who won't use me to help them feel better about the three-year boyfriend they kicked to the curb.

Way I figure it, Becca said that for one of two reasons: either she's trying to make me feel like shit so she's not alone in her self-induced misery, or she truly believes what she said and the entire relationship was, in essence, a fraud. I'm banking on the former, mostly because the latter would likely lead to 1) me AGAIN losing my faith in humanity and 2) needing even more therapy. Either way, she's right; I deserve much, MUCH better than her.

Kinda hard to believe I cared for this person so deeply, when obviously whatever she told me she felt wasn't genuine (though she swore it was when she left me ... as if THAT made any sense). But whatever; I'm glad we're done, I'm glad she's gone, and I'm glad I can live my life without being bogged down by her baggage. Because I know there's someone out there somewhere who will love me, tell me they love me and actually mean it when they say it.

I do deserve better than Becca. And I know better's out there somewhere.

So pretty ...

I saw my future TV in Circuit City tonight.

A 32-inch, flat-panel Vizio LCD HDTV for $629. So pretty ... particulatly for my uses. Most notably, ESPN and videogames. I watched the Super Bowl between the Patriots and Giants on a 32-inch Vizio that Munchie bought, which already piqued my interest.

But as I saw the Duke-North Carolina women's basketball game in HD, then saw someone running through Halo 3 on another Vizio in the store, I'm not sure how I didn't drool. Or how I didn't buy the TV right then and there.

Then again, I'm still unemployed. Yes, I have a pair of part-time gigs in the waiting, but I haven't been officially hired to either one yet. And while I do have the funds to buy it, who knows how long before I get my next job(s), so for the time being, no large impulse buys.

But once I get my HDTV, I can finally give in and buy an Xbox 360 and PlayStation3 -- especially since there are more games out now I want to play. Halo 3, Assassin's Creed, Devil May Cry 4, any myriad of EA Sports and 2K Sports titles, Metal Gear Solid 4, Final Fantasy XIII, the new Gran Turismo ... I'm finally seeing next-gen titles worth playing, and if the 360 can take care of its hardware issues, that would make a nice purchase.

Oddly enough, though, I'm really looking forward to a pair of PSP releases in the near future: God of War and Patapon. I'm always one for quirky, off-the-wall titles, and given how much I love PS2's Okami, Patapon seems like the sort of game I'd love.

And the sort of thing to hold me over until I can call that Vizio mine.

I'm like the Weather Channel -- constant updates.

-My interview with Hampton University went well today. The Sports Information Director was up-front with me, both in regards to payment (roughly $17,000 a year, pending a final number from Human Resources) and work schedule (mostly part-time, covering home games, can work a lot at home). It sounds like a nice gig, particularly if I'm able to do both it and my job at the radio station (which I REALLY want to), and I expect to hear back no later than Monday regarding when I can start and getting paperwork squared away so I can get paid for my work. It surprises me how small the Sports Information Department is at the school; it's a lot smaller than ODU's. I asked when they would want me to start and the SID joked, "last September." My guess is they need the help badly.

-Turns out Marty O'Brien, who on occasion covers Hampton University athletics for the Daily Press, put in a good word for me when the SID called him the other day for a possible reference. I got to know Marty last summer when I would fill in for him on weekends at Langley Speedway, and we've talked extensively about NASCAR and, this winter, high school basketball (he's been covering the Bay Rivers District boys and girls teams this season). I'll have to remember to thank Marty for the kind words, regardless of whether or not I get this job.

-Monday the radio station told me since I was applying for part-time work, I didn't have to submit to a background check. Turns out, though, I do. Oops ... oh well, no big. I'll just head to the office in the morning and fill out the necessary forms for that, and see if they can't train me next week and get me started there.

-Had a long talk with Shannon last night, gave me a lot of perspective as far as The Ex goes. Basically, it comes down to Becca (yeah, getting back to using her name ... consider it a step in de-bitter-fying myself) feeling like shit over the whole thing and trying to get a reaction out of me so she can feel not quite so bad about feeling so bad (if that makes ANY sense at all). I'm still not sure what to make of the month we spent together, but that talk with Shannon went a long way in helping me not be so bitter and pissed off at Becca. Maybe eventually I can get to where I can look at our relationship and not question the whole thing. But I took the first step, which is what's important to me.

-As a play-by-play broadcaster, I am rusty as hell. I filled in at WODU a couple weeks ago when the ODU women played VCU, and again tonight when they played Georgia State. Let's just say I can tell it's been almost two years since I've done play-by-play ... and I get to do it again Sunday when the women play UNC Wilmington. Thursday games I don't mind doing, since Ted has class, but Sunday's kinda funny ... why Ted would schedule something non-work-related on a game day in the middle of the season is beyond me, but he did, so ... whatever. I'm just amazed the boy has a life to begin with ....

-Five cool points for anyone who can tell me the movie from which I took the title of this entry. Five more if you know the context in which it was said.

Last Two Down

-Got a letter in the mail from Old Dominion today telling me they had no openings in their athletic offices for me. So not working for tha alma mater ... kinda bum-worthy, but at least they got back to me this time. Last two times I applied I got nothing in return, so I call that progress.

-CNU emailed me tonight to tell me pretty much the same thing, leaving Hampton University the only school to actually have something to offer (which, really, is why I sent resumes to all six schools).

-If I don't hear from the radio station by tomorrow, I'm gonna call to schedule a day for equipment and soundboard training. Not that I'm particularly impatient or anything (though I am), but I was told to do so ... so I will.

-Is it bad that with these two job possibilities, I don't want to write my Daily Press stories anymore? I know I have to -- I did tell them I could do them -- but as other doors start to open, I feel the urge to slam this one shut. And me being let go from HRVarsity.com has nothing to do with it. Nope ... not a thing whatsoever.

More job stuff

-Apparently my interview with 102.1 FM The Game went well today; the guy I met with talked about bringing me back later in the week to train me in using the soundboards and stuff, and I filled out this application that was actually more of a small novel. I'd start off working the soundboards during broadcasts and giving periodical on-air updates (think SportsCenter for those of you who listen to ESPN Radio). Right now, it's only a part-time gig, but that actually works out because ...

- ... I have an interview Thursday with Hampton University about that internship in their Sports Information Department. The one that pays about $17,000 a year and involves me maintaining the athletic department's web site and writing up stories on the school's home games. It's essentially part-time as well, which means should I be fortunate enough to get hired both at HU and by the radio station, I can actually get away with doing both. And whichever one advances faster and winds up paying better, that's the one I'll go with.

-Virginia Wesleyan and William & Mary told me they have no current openings. Still have yet to hear from Christopher Newport and Old Dominion.

-Yes, I still write stories for the Daily Press. They want a couple wrestling features over the next couple weeks, and a top wrestlers list for the two local districts leading up to the tournaments next month. If things go well, those'll be the last pieces I write for the paper. I've enjoyed my time with the Daily Press (and HRVarsity.com), but I'm ready to move on to something else now.

Job Updates

-My interview with 102.1 FM The Game is on Monday. Still not sure what I'm interviewing for, but hey, it's sports radio. That's really all I need to know.

-Norfolk State emailed me this morning thanking me for my interest, but also to inform me they have no openings right now. Which is fine; I'm appreciative of them contacting me regardless. Then again, the Sports Information Director over there was once my sports editor at The Mace & Crown, so that might be the cause for the curteosy (sp?).

-Hampton University's Sports Information Director called me this morning and told me of an intern position in the Sports Information Department. It only pays $17,000 a year -- a full seven grand less than my HRVarsity gig -- but it will involve a lot of game coverage and writing, and if worse comes to worse, I'll suck up the pay cut and stay at home a little while longer. It's not something I'm going to outright refuse.

-Haven't heard from anyone else yet, but if that changes, y'all will know.

Updates and Traditions

-I'm interviewing for a job with 102.1 FM The Game next week, either Monday or Tuesday. Not sure if I'm interviewing for an on-air or producer's position yet, but either way, I'm potentially breaking back into sports talk radio, which is huge for me. Here's hoping!

-I'm creating a Guitar Hero playlist on iTunes for my iPod. Basically, all my favorite songs from the four Guitar Hero games for my listening pleasure whenever. Yeah, I'm a dork. :P

-Catching up on the first season of Heroes on DVD. Great stuff; ashamed I missed it when it first came on. Not only am I a dork, I'm a late dork. :P

-I got a coupon in the mail the other day, offering me $20 off a $60 purchase at Express Men. Just one problem ... the clothes in that store are shit, and they're insanely overpriced. I may be half gay, but there's stuff in there that just downright makes me feel all fruity and shit. Think I'll stick to JC Penney.

-I'm somewhat continuing a tradition Sarah and I started a couple years ago. I don't remember how long ago it started -- just that I was still in school -- but when I started going to therapy, Sarah set up weekly coffee meets; every Wednesday night after class, we'd meet up at Starbucks for caffeine and I could talk about everything that went on in therapy that morning. It was great, and we continued the coffee meets even after I'd finished therapy.

We kept it up for a while after I graduated, but naturally stopped once things started going downhil between us. Even so, to this day I go out at least once a week for coffee. More often than not, I'm by myself (don't know too many other coffee drinkers), but the fact that I still go out and have coffee once a week ... I dunno, as odd as it sounds, it's important to me that I do that.

Almost like I'm doing it as an homage to her.

Granted, Sarah's not dead, but now that enough time has passed and I've sufficiently healed from that ordeal, it's important that I remember the good things that came out of the two-plus years we were friends. And the after-therapy coffee sessions were a large part of that; it meant a lot to me that she would go out of her way like that to help me get through something I had to do, and it meant even more that she kept it going even after I'd walked out of my therapist's office for the last time. I guess that keeping the tradition alive in a way is my way of keeping the good memories of our friendship alive, and sort of reinforcing the lessons I learned back then.

If that makes any sense. Either way, I'd been thinking about Sarah a lot lately and it seemed appropriate to comment and ponder on it.

Productive Day

-Applied for six more jobs today, sending resumes and cover letters to the six local colleges and universities (Old Dominion, William & Mary, Hampton, Norfolk State, Christopher Newport and Virginia Wesleyan) seeking employment in their Athletic Adiministration and/or SPort Information offices. A former sports editor of mine at The Mace & Crown is now the Sports Information Director at Norfolk State University, so I know it's a possible avenue. And it keeps me in sports.

-Had to buy more resume paper today, along with some clear sheets to put my Daily Press stories in. Keeping a portfolio of my work might prove useful, should a newspaper come calling asking for samples.

-Also picked up the new Foo Fighters CD and that Maroon 5 CD I'd been meaning to get for years. Somehow, with all my ex drama, Songs About Jane seems appropriate.

-New Dale Earnhardt Jr. diecast cars at Wal-Mart! My inner redneck is ecstatic!

-Work wants a wrestling feature for next week, and a basketball game to cover on Thursday. The game's no problem; not sure about the feature. Depends on if I can get to a match or practice sometime the rest of this week.

-Wrote two pieces for Birthright. They were both solos, but the fact that I'm able to come up with stuff to write for BR again is a good sign. Maybe I'll get the Cult of Zeus plot finished up before July after all.

Unfiltered Thoughts, part 3

Right now, my friends are the glue holding me together. Enduring a month-span in which I lose my job and my girlfriend will do some things to a guy, and ... well, call me that guy.

I talked to Katie a few weeks ago, and she told me she didn't know how I wasn't going batshit crazy with it all. Truth be told, I'm not sure either -- part of me actually wants to go batshit crazy -- but I guess one of the biggest reasons I'm not is because of my friends.

A luxury I didn't really have several years ago.

There's Kat, naturally. The girl I've known for so long, grown so close to, that she's practically my big sister. We're both unemployed and frustratingly single right now, which I guess -- again -- gives us common ground to work off of. Then there's my college roommate Mike, who I don't talk to nearly often enough, and high school buds Frank and Dave. Dave'll be coming back to Virginia soon ... here's hoping we get to hang out a fair bit.

The aforementioned Katie, who for a lot of years felt like a mentor for me. Couple years older, already in college when I got there, I wind up in two organizations she was also a part of ... but I think beyond that, I learned a lot about life in general from her. She helped me through some rough times back then, and I really like that I'm sort of in the same position now. Not that I enjoy the fact that she's struggling, but the fact that I've been able to help -- well, a little bit, anyway.

Welcome home, Katie.

There's Shannon, who is largely responsible for a lot of what everyone else sees today. I learned how to love and trust again thanks to my friendship with her, and even though we're not what we were before things went so wrong for both of us a few years ago, we're still a part of each other's life and I'm glad I can still call her up and talk whenever I need it. The way she's believed in me has been a confidence boost I was sorely lacking years ago.

Then there's the group I'm in ... Kenny, Ashley, Robyn, Henry and Munchie. It's ... sort of odd for me to have a group of friends. A small group of people who all hang out together and are all friends with each other, some would even say we border on family ... I've never had that before. So if I seem weird and distant sometimes, or if I sometimes go a while without contact or seem reluctant to come out at the last minute, it's mostly me not being used to having a group of friends who actively seek me out and invite me to do things. Friends before would always wait for me to initiate contact and make plans; my friends now are always calling and texting me, and it's really nice ... if not something I'm still not used to.

I think if it weren't for the people I've mentioned above, I would be going batshit crazy right now. I love all my friends and I'm not sure what I would do without them .. here's hoping I never find out.

Unfiltered Thoughts, part 2

This was a wonderful job, something I looked forward to doing when I got out of bed, and happy with the substantial pay raise it afforded me. This job made life so much easier for me in a lot of ways, and I hate how the harsh corporate reality has left me virtually unemployed.

Oh, I'm sticking around for more freelance work -- at least until I find something else. But job searching in this field is hell; not that many openings, and I'm apparently not qualified enough for any of them. You'd think roughly seven years of print and broadcast experience would be enough, but I guess not. What does it take for a guy to get a chance in this field? I thought HRVarsity was my chance; but as it turns out, I was just a pawn in someone's vendetta against another local paper.

I don't hate anyone currently at the office; this isn't their fault. I'm mad at the corporate beancounters who decided after a mere eight months that the Southside portion of the website wasn't making enough money. We were basically coming in on the Virginian-Pilot's territory; of course it was going to be slow going at first. But everyone who saw the site loved it, and I knew that come next football season, we would've had the numbers they were looking for.

P.S., I hate the Tribune Company. And the Cubs.

I still love sports writing. The only thing I would rather do is get back into sports talk radio. But suddenly finding myself without steady, practically-full-time work is frustrating, and on some level, it's hard to keep my composure with regards to my former editor who gave me this job, which apparently was solely to stick it to the Pilot. I have nothing against the Pilot, and I have nothing against good competition, but when that becomes the only reason for doing something ... that's not right.

I was basically a pawn in this game, and that part I hate. But the work itself? The reporting and the writing and the game coverage? I loved all of that, and I miss it right now.

Unfiltered Thoughts, part 1

I miss you. I never want to see you again.

I completely understand why you left me. I haven't the foggiest clue why you would fuck me over like that.

I want to see you, hold you, kiss you. I never want you to know the pleasure of my touch ever again.

I hope you work through your issues and overcome your insecurities, so in the future you can be the kind of girlfriend you and your lover deserve. I hope you wake up every morning alone and with the intimate understanding of just what it is you did to me and what you put me through ... in short, I hope you feel what I feel.

Smile, hold you head up high, live your life. Cry, bury your head in your hands and bawl your eyes out.

The month we shared was the most amazing and happy I've ever been. How dare you fill me with such lies. I know you loved me. I'm not so sure you actually gave a shit.

You opened my eyes to so much ... was I just a random fuck for you? Granted, the sex was outstanding, but is that all we were? You hitting on one of my friends doesn't help this thought any.

Speaking of, back the fuck off. Munchie's not interested, and don't you think it's the slightest bit fucked-up that you're trying to heal your own selfish wounds by turning to one of MY friends?! As if you're two-timing ass didn't hurt me enough when you broke up with me after I went through the effort to drive three hours up there and plunk down nearly $200 on a hotel room.

The next time you feel like breaking my heart, pick up the goddamn phone.

You were so much of what I wanted in a person. Turns out, you weren't nearly who I thought you were. Not that you're the first to pull the wool over my eyes, but next time you screw someone else over, try not to let them fall in love with you first.

I'm glad we shared the time that we did. I can't believe I let myself get suckered into you. I should've known this would end badly -- shit always does.

I hope you find someone better one day. You will NEVER find someone better than me, and you'll regret tossing me aside the way you did.

I love you. I can't stand the thought of you.

I miss you. I never want to see you again.

Movie Review!

Having had roughly 24 hours to digest the disappointment that was Cloverfield, I decided to sit down and actually write out my impressions of the film (complete with spoiler tag for those who've yet to see it). Click the cut tag below for the review.

Some things we know: Cloverfield was a marketing genius, the result of the MySpace and YouTube generation salivating over a mysterious series of teasers that began before the premiere of Transformers. J.J. Abrams (he of Alias, Lost and Mission Impossible III fame) enticed us with images of a decapitated Statue of Liberty and a burning, destroyed Manhattan skyscrape.

So naturally, once 1-18-08 rolled around, everyone and their grandmother would in line, cell phones in hand and Bluetooth devices in ear, waiting to see it. So a huge opening weekend was guaranteed, but ... what about the film itself? Does Cloverfield succeed?

Well ... that depends on the film's objective. If Abrams meant to piss us all off, then I'd say Cloverfield was a rousing success. Otherwise, it's a huge letdown.

For some reason, the first 20 minutes stick us in the middle of some lover's day at Coney Island and a going-away party for the "lead character," Rob (I'm not bothering to tell you who's playing these characters, because I don't care and you likely never heard of them anyway). The film tries to get us to care about characters who will likely meet their demise by the end of the film, and even the most dense of viewers could figure out early on that Rob would never make it to Japan the following morning.

So ... ignoring the crappy and ultimately needless opening exposition, Cloverfield tries to combine Godzilla with The Blair Witch Project, resulting in a film that sometimes is physically hard to watch. I'm not one prone to motion sickness, but a few of the instances where the handheld camera jerked and shook actually made me nauseous (or was that the hot dog I bought from the conscession stand? I couldn't tell). The handheld view worked in terms of keeping the action immediate and making the inplausible seem probable, but it did make the film hard to watch at times.

Also not helping Cloverfield's cause? The obvious parallels to 9-11. A massive creature rampaging through New York City ... naturally, some buildings are going to fall. But beyond that ... the Statue of Liberty got her head cut off, and the creature decided to use it as a bowling ball down the street. Then, the Empire State Building crumbles (much like the Twin Towers did on that tragic day) and the rubble rolls down the street in footage that looked like it was taken right from CNN. The similarities (oh, the Brooklyn Bridge gets fucked over, too) were a bit uncomfortable for me.

Rob is a moron. His girlfriend-not-girlfriend Beth (who we alo don't give two shits about -- and that gold dress she wore at the party at the open? HIDEOUS!!) is trapped high in her apartment building (floor 39 ... since it's an Abrams thing, I expected floor 47), which is right next to where the big bad monster started its rampage. In fact, when Rob and gang see it, her building is doing its Leaning Tower of Piza impession -- held up only by the neighboring building.

Why do his friends tag along, you ask? Well, because the story needs more than one character, especailly when one of the characters is also the camera man. Apparently, if the camera doesn't see it, it doesn't happen.

But before Rob and the gang make it to Beth's apartment building, they go through the tunnels, assuming they'd be safer underground. Nice in theory ... only the bigass monster (which we've only caught teasing glimpses of at this point) comes with tiny spider-like creatures, things that honestly reminded me of the Brood from X-Men fame. We don't know what they are, what they're called or what they do, but they're there, terrorizing everyone and fucking up the military's full-on assault.

Somehow, they rescue Beth (who somehow isn't dead, even with a metal bar sticking out of her chest). And somehow, they make it out of the building. And somehow, when the monster slaps down the helicopter they'd all escaped in, they don't die. Suspension of disbelief is really hard to maintain in this flim (damn, that camera's got a strong battery!), specifically when the cameraman literally watches the monster kill him (though this is our first truly good look at the thing's face).

Okay, so ... simplistic writing. Bland characters I don't care about. Things so far-fetched I can't maintain a suspension of disbelief. What else am I missing ... oh yeah. If you're looking for an explanation or closure of some sort, this movie will disappoint you tremendously. The monster is never given a name, its spider-like inklings likewise. After one attacks one of the gang (whose name I forgot ... how's that for a weak character), she suddenly blurts out she doesn't feel so good, spews blood and ... dies.

What happened? Good luck finding out. The military might know, but they're not telling. They're too busy fighting the monster (and failing). And what's with this whole disease thing? It was mentioned once, then tossed aside.

But nothing beats the ending. Or, more accurately, the lack of it.

Imagine this. The helicopter crashed, the cameraman dead. It's just Rob and Beth now, against the monster. They hide under a bridge in Central Park (as if THAT'S going to protect them from Anonymous the Giant Thingy) and say their predictable I love you's into the camera. Then, an explosion. Bridge gone, camera dropped (but STILL not broken!), Rob and Beth dead.

One last glimpse of the two at Coney Island. Then ... credits.

That's it. End of movie. No explanation, no name for the monster, no aftermath. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I think a user on the website Ain't It Cool News described it best: Cloverfield is like someone jerking you off, then stopping abruptly just before the massive finale.

As Spike once put it, "Well, that was a slap and a tickle."

I want my money back. Cloverfield will be successful, thanks to its viral marketing strategy and the name J.J. Abrams. And there is plenty to like in this fllm -- the subway sequence is genuinely suspenseful and terrifying, and the effects are masterful given the way this film was shot -- but the flaws are too much to ignore, and ruin the film. I love Alias, but for me, nothing else Abrams has touched comes close. I'm mildly curious about his Star Trek prequel (for which there is a trailer before Cloverfield, but I'm wary about that one now as well.

Go see Cloverfield if you're so inclined. And if you liked it, that's great. Just don't be surprised if you leave the theatre a little nauseous and with blue balls.

Not for me

So I only went through half my interview with Ocean Air Marketing yesterday before I realized the job was 1) not what I expected, and 2) not for me. While I looked at sports and entertainment marketing as offices and meetings and brainstormings and flyers and all that sort of thing, turns out to them it was more we go out and try to sell people promotions for our clients. The manager I shadowed and I walked around downtown Norfolk, going from office-to-office, asking people if they were interested in a new golf course's promotional deal.

It was basically door-to-door solicitation.

Which presents two big problems for me: first of all, I can't do it. I don't have it in me. It's a lot like sales, and as my sister once said, I've got too much of a conscience for sales. Secondly, you need permission to solicit in other places of business. Did we ever get that permission? No ... and we were escorted by security out of one building. I'm not going to work for a company that won't even bother to do things the right way.

The manager I was with tried telling me we weren't soliciting, that we were merely telling people about the new course; to solicit, he said, we'd have to try and pursuade them to do something. Yet that's exactly what he was doing: trying to pursuade people to go to the new golf course and save a little money.

So I asked to be taken back to the office, where I spoke with the CEO and thanked him for the opportunity, though I politely took my name out of the running. It's not my kind of work, and the company seemed a little on the shady side the more I saw and the more I did. I also cancelled today's interview with Red Line Events, because they do the exact same thing. As the manager I was with yesterday put it, "if you don't like us, you're not going to like them."

So my brief foray into sports marketing is over, it appears. I'm glad for it, mostly because I at least had the guts to try something new and take a shot to see if it was something I'd be interested in. I'm glad I took that chance -- I'd rather try something and have it not work out than sit on my ass and do nothing -- and I'm glad I found out before taking the job that this was something I wouldn't ever be interested in.

I'm not disappointed in not getting either job; the money would've been really nice, but only so much so if I didn't like what I was doing. I'll go back to applying to newspapers, radio stations and TV networks ... and I might even check into a university sports information office while I'm at it.

The past couple days were a good experience, but I'm glad they're over.

Grr. Arg.

Dear Mr. Abrams,

RE: Cloverfield

Sir, I feel gypped. I'm half-tempted to ask for my eight dollars back. I used to respect you; I appreciated the complexities and drama in Alias, and though I never cared for Lost, I knew you had a good thing on your hands with it. But with MI:III and now this, I'm sorry, but you have a lot of explaining to do.

And to think, I was going to check out your Star Trek movie. And I'm not even a Trekkie.

Oh, well ... whatever. Long live Joss Whedon.

Sincerely,

Pissed-off moivegoer

Interviews

I go to bed last night, I have no interviews. I wake up this morning, I have two.

Red Line Events called me this morning to set up an interview for Friday afternoon at 3:30. Then, almost an hour later, Ocean Air Marketing called to give me an interview today. I went, spent all of 10 minutes in the president and CEO's office before he offered me a shot at the second round of interviews -- an all-day shadowing of one of the firm's managers. I'll be doing that tomorrow from 9:15 a.m. until about 5:30 p.m., and if that goes well enough, I might get offered the job.

I love the irony of it; I send countless resumes and samples to newspapers and radio stations -- my freakin' field -- and I never hear anything back. I apply to marketing companies -- with NO marketing experience -- and I hear back within two days. Regardless, these jobs sound exciting, and the pay is tons better than what I was making with HRVarsity.

Here's hoping!

Applied

Applied yesterday for a pair of sports marketing jobs in Virginia Beach, one with Ocean Air Marketing, and another with Red Line Events. They're not exactly what I've been educated and trained for, but they're still sports-related jobs, and with a starting salary anywhere from 35 to 65K to start ... I'd be a retard not to at least throw my name out there. Thanks to Robyn for pointing me at these openings, and congrats to her on landing an interview with Red Line herself.

Here's hoping I hear something back soon.

Oh, and if you haven't yet, go see Charlie Wilson's War. Fantastic film, particularly poignant given the world events of today. I daresay it's an Oscar-worthy flick.

Cloverfield is Friday. Hell yeah, bitches.

Updates

-Exhausted: ended my tenure with HRVarsity by covering the Virginia Duals wrestling tournament. That meant working Friday from 9 am to 11 pm, and Saturday from 10 am to 11 pm. Hours upon hours of wrestling matches, website updates and running around chasing after stories for the web site, the Daily Press and a newspaper in Delaware that had me covering their high school team in the tournament. Great work, a lot of fun ... but I'm wiped.

-Sent resumes and samples to newspapers in Staunton, Va. and Annapolis, Md. I'd like to stay local, but those are openings in my field. And the Annapolis gig offers up to $10K a year more than I was making at HRVarsity, so I'd be crazy not to at least put my name out there.

-Got an email on Friday from a guy at 102.1 FM The Game asking for a CD of my radio work from college. He said that once he's received the CD (I'm mailing it out on Monday), he'd email me to set up an interview. An interview ... the one thing I've yet to get in all my job searches, like, ever. Interesting.

-Everyone I talk to outside of the Tribune Company thinks that I lost my job is retarded. More specifically, the reason for it. Now, family and friends calling it that I expect ... but I was amazed last week when I heard the very same thing from Nansemond River High School boys basketball coach Ed Young. I had to tell him I was being let go and wouldn't be covering his team anymore, and he told me how retarded it was I was losing my job and how good I was and how hard I worked. Thanks for the words of encouragement, coach. It's been a pleasure working with you, even if the time was incredibly short-lived.

-Come to find out Becca -- hereforth referred to as The Ex -- has been hitting on Munchie, one of my friends. Wonderful, just ... wonderful. Word of advice to The Ex: back off my friends. It's weird, it's awkward, and quite frankly, it hurts me. Then again, if you were that worried about hurting me, you never would've broken up with me to begin with. Bitch.

Moving!

Like so many others, since GJ's kinda going in the toilet, I too am moving to InsaneJournal.

http://cowboy-witch.insanejournal.com/

Y'all know the drill.

Oh Boy ...

I can feel myself starting to slip.

Maybe it's the girlfriend. Maybe it's the job. Maybe it's both the girlfriend AND the job, but ... after the past month, I can feel my psychological and emotional self slipping. Energy and motivation just aren't there -- and just in time for a job search, at that -- I find myself becoming apathetic in manners that weeks ago would've had my undivided attention. Happy moments are becoming harder to come by, and I'm having a harder time holding onto them when they do actually show.

Normally, visiting my sister makes me feel worlds better, lifts so much of the stress. But this time, it's not working. I'm still stressed, I'm still upset, and I'm still sitting here wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do and where the hell my life's supposed to go the minute my car pulls back into my driveway up in Virginia.

A month ago, I thought I had everything figured out. I had the job, the money, the girl and a plan for things to come in the immediate future. Then the girl left. And now, so too have the money and the job. The combination of the three rendering virtually useless the short-term future plans.

Leaving me with ... what, exactly?

I don't know. I just ... don't know right now. That's really the only thing I can think to say when confronted with all this. My head's a huge mass of confusion right now, and I can barely even muster the mental faculties to pull through this moment, let alone worry about what's coming in the days and weeks to pass. I NEED to find another job, and SOON ... and it would be nice if I didn't have to wait another eight years before finding the next woman to love me for at least a couple weeks.

In the meantime, I got no fucking clue. And that's probably the scariest part of it all.

The evils of corporate-ness

So I'm told today that as of Jan. 12, my job with HRVarsity.com is ending. Basically, the site's expansion to the Southside hasn't yielded the profit numbers Tribune Company wanted, and with budgets shrinking heading into 2008, those of us who helped the site grow beyond the Peninsula are being let go.

So I'm being fired, but I'm not being fired. If that makes ANY sense.

The only good thing about this? I'm still getting the rest of my December and all of my January pay, so there's $3,000 to work with as I work on finding another job. But still ... I really liked this job and saw a lot of good opportunities coming from it. I was in my field, doing what I loved to do and was making pretty decent money at it. But, because of a lack of marketing or whatever, the expected revenue never came, and the result is me -- as well as Tris, Ted and Robin -- losing jobs.

Job hunts aren't any fun, especially in the field of sports journalism. I consider it very much an Old Man's Club; if you're not already in, getting in is extremely difficult, sometimes impossible. I would love to stay local -- or at the very least, in Virginia -- but if I have to move elsewhere in order to find another job, then I guess I'll do that.

I kinda want to be mad at my immediate superiors and blame them, but it's not their fault, and they're real nice guys. In the meantime, I'll continue doing freelance work for the Daily Press -- it's a drastic pay cut, but it is SOMETHING. And hopefully, I can use a few contacts I have to find something more permanent and better-paying. I'm not even so much worried right now about being able to afford things I want -- like an HDTV, a PS3, a place of my own, yadda yadda -- but the bills I need to pay. I need something that'll allow me to get those taken care of.

Ted told me today about a website called journalismjobs.com -- apparently there are a ton of sports listings on that site. Once I get back from visiting Kat on Jan. 3, I'm hitting that website and starting my job search hardcore. I'll finish out my job until Jan. 12 with HRVarsity and collect what pay's left for me, but after that I need to find something.

Unless I decide to go back to school. Who the hell knows.